Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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