chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
