tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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