peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
