Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
