The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
