guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
