is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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