dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
