Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
