no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
