ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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