You really coming over, don't trick.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
