my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
