I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
