My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize