My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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