he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
