I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize