i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
