proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize