sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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