mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
