hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
