Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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