He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
