The maid of honor just puked.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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