By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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