They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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