Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
