no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
