Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Randomize
