Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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