The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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