dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
