I'm going to jail i love you
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
