just come out here and I will go home with you...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
