How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
