Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i dont even know how to be here
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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