okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
