He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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