yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
