I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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