found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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