she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
