what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
