Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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