Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
3 2 1 whiskey
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
