You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
