I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
