State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
