Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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