Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize