I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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