you traded sex for a burrito?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
