After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
