Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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