yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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