Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
