i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize