was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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