Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My dick has a subreddit
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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