if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
