So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
