you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
we're so committed to being not committed
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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