So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
His hands were made for my vagina.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
3pm strippers are depressing
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
