i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
