Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
