Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
