Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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